If a moment is all we are

[renewedwill]

[a couple of months had passed by since that eventful pocky day happened. and, well. jean would like to say that a lot has happened? but in all actuality, it's nothing monumental. how he feels about it, at least. he still hasn't told his mom (though, if we're being completely honest a small part of him feels like she already knows what's up by now.) he hasn't told any of his friends, and he still feels kind of awkward and weird every time the bodt's pass by their son's door when he's over.

despite all this though? none of this has changed how he feels about marco. in fact it's kind of strengthened the feelings he has for the other? and, now that we're being honest here, he was actually able to realize that he has been harboring feelings for marco for a long time. he's not sure how long, but they've been there since probably around high school.

which-- is what makes all of this frustrating. he had been hoping he would be able to progress a lot faster so that he could do things with the other. as much as marco likes to let on that he can read jean like a book, he... can do the exact same with marco. and despite how many times marco insists that he's not bothered by being unable to show public displays of affection, and things of the like? he can see that it does bother the other to some extent.

it's not like jean is uncomfortable with the idea of telling people that, "hey, i like my best friend from childhood a lot and i like kissing him" and all that shit?? because he's not ashamed of doing that. he's just.... afraid of the attention it will garner, and he doesn't want to deal with that just yet. he's.... well, he's kind of made a reputation of being one of those heterosexual guys at school, and he knows the moment he comes out as bisexual, people will continuously rib on him. and more than likely tell marco that he deserves way better than horse face over here.

he knows marco doesn't care, one way or another about all that since he told jean that he's liked him since junior high? but still. what if he does? what if he decides that jean just isn't worth it and all that he does deserve someone who isn't afraid of doing something with him in public without being scrutinized for it.

jean lets out another sigh as he rolls over on marco's bed and buries his head into marco's pillow. maybe if he stays here long enough he can suffocate himself??? he inhales and loses himself for a couple of moments in marco's scent, and then sits up.]

I'm sorry Marco; I think we should break up.

Comments

[halfwaythere]

[ look it's your fault for using the kawaii blushing icon and not a more traumatic icon and having me misread the situation ]

[renewedwill]

[just as keikaku.]

[halfwaythere]

[ so since it's not a hot moment, marco is just going to curl up around jean even more ]

[renewedwill]

[just as planned. he curls his hands around marco like he's a human sized teddy bear]

[halfwaythere]

[ this teddy bear cuddles back so it's all good ]

[renewedwill]

[magical time lapse!!!!!!!! magical time lapse to jean basically sucking a hickey into the side of marco's neck :>]

[halfwaythere]

[ and marco has his head tilted to the side, letting jean do that

hand in his hair, holding him in place ]

[renewedwill]

[attacking his neck like he's a heckin vampire]

[halfwaythere]

[ breathlessly gasping out-- ] J-Jean--

[renewedwill]

[ah yea he defs likes that sound!!! he pulls away to look at the damage he's done]

[halfwaythere]

[ there's a nice hickey there on his neck, but also marco is looking up at him like "take my clothes off now" ]

[renewedwill]

[he wipes away the saliva off of his mouth as he looks at marco in confusion. bc he knows what that look says. and he knows that the door is currently open.]

[halfwaythere]

C'mere Ponyboy, let me return the favor...

[ someone doesn't care that the door is open ]

[renewedwill]

I uh-- b- but? [he looks nervously to the door.] We can't?

[halfwaythere]

[ blinks ] You didn't notice my parents are out?

[renewedwill]

No????

[halfwaythere]

Dinner and a movie.

Movie starts at 9:30.

[ a beat, glances at the clock that reads 9:00 ] It's not much time, but we can still do something.

If you want...?

[renewedwill]

Oh my God, do I.

[halfwaythere]

[ laughs and looks up at jean ]

Well, you sucked a mark on me, so I could suck something for you?

[renewedwill]

If... if you want! I mean-- I'm uh... I'm cool with whatever dude. Bro- babe!

[halfwaythere]

Lie back then, Ponyboy.

[renewedwill]

[he nods numbly as he lays down robotically. he does his best to not look so stiff, he can't imagine that looking appealing or sexy. but god damn has he thought about this for the longest of times.

he's just... i don't want to say he's been too afraid to initiate anything? but he's also afraid of initiating anything. it has nothing to do with anxieties over how that shit works out, or anything like that, but.... well. the bodts took him into their home and treated him like a second son when he got kicked out and disowned by his own parents. they were so understanding of his need to be closer to their son after that whole ordeal that they let him sleep in the same bed as their precious baby boy. so when they told them that their door had to be opened, he did his best to abide by it. which... sadly meant no funny business.

but he respected them a lot and didn't want them to walk past their room and see them fooling around with one another. his balls suffered a little, but hey that's what bathrooms were for.

but to think.... that they're actually!!! going to be able to do something sexually intimate!!! it gets his heart racing and his cheeks burning.] This okay?

[halfwaythere]

Yeah, just fine. [ he watches as jean lays down. he can see jean's nerves and he gives his boyfriend a small smile before leaning in and giving him a gentle kiss. he appreciates how much jean has been holding back, considering the less than perfect situation that they were thrown in together. but he hasn't been the only one who's been holding himself back. it's hard (/rimshot) to contend yourself to just heavy makeouts when the guy you love (and possibly want to spend the rest of your life with but that's a conversation for a different time and place) is sharing your bed every night.

bathrooms and their hands became their best friends while they worked to keep things at least pg-13. it was... awkward, to say the least, to know that his parents have likely talked about giving him and jean some privacy, knowing what they're likely going to do with that privacy. before jean came to stay with them, but after they became a couple he did have the necessary awkward "please have safe sex" talk with his parents. they know he wants to have sex with his boyfriend, but this is... something.

he pulls away from the kiss, hands working at the button of jean's pants. ]

Just... relax, alright?

[renewedwill]

[by the time marco looks back up at jean, his face could easily resemble... no, rival the color of a tomato. this... this was really happening, and he couldn't begin to believe or understand how they got to this point. but he's not going to question it!!

he lets out a soft moan as he feels marco's hands on his waist. but, despite the assuring words, he can't help but fidget a little.]

Y- Yeah... sorry.

[halfwaythere]

You're fine.

[ And that's all he says before he gets open Jean's pants and without any sort of ceremony or romance, pulls down the pants and underwear down in one fell swoop. He sits there for a moment, just enjoying the sight of Jean's cock before he reaches out and takes it into his hands, slowly stroking it to make sure it gets to full hardness ]