chesedonia | (no subject)

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[oikawa let out an undignified huff as he tapped his foot impatiently on the ground. he was angry, and upset, for sure. but he also didn't like feeling as if he were being forced into doing something? and this was exactly what was happening. he was getting forced into an arranged marriage of sorts to some princely alpha.

of course, that's not to say that he wasn't a of royal lineage either. because he definitely was! but he wanted to love freely? he didn't want someone to dictate who it was he committed the rest of his life to. and here he is. being forced to do everything he loathed.

yes, it was for the sake of his country, and it was supposed to help end the two from going into anymore wars. but. he doesn't even know this person! he's only heard stories of him? and from what he has heard of he doesn't really like him. more importantly he doesn't want the other to view him as some weak omega. because he most certainly is not one of those weak push over omegas!

gritting his teeth, he took to tapping his finger on the arm rest instead. how long was this guy going to take?! surely if he was going to meet his so "betrothed" he would have gotten there early with time to spare! it's not like he doesn't have a country to rule over after all, he could be listening to claims and giving the people what they need.]

How long is he going to take?

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[his shoulders sag as he all but melts in ushijima's hold. he's not even sure why he's crying as hard as he is right now or how emotional he's being all of a sudden. heck, he's not entirely to sure as to what triggered it all. but it feels so nice to finally let it all out.

maybe it's because he didn't grant himself a proper cry when he first heard about ushijima's injuries. he didn't want to cause any concern, and he definitely didn't want any half assed pity from anyone either. which is why he spent so much of his time with the hens.

or maybe it's the fact that he's at odds with his best friend, and hasn't had a chance to talk to him at all since he got here. he had gotten so used to having such a close confidant back home, that when he actually needed someone to talk to, and to have a shoulder to lean on while trying to navigate the fact that his husband has lost all of his memories, he has had no one to talk to about all of this.

and maybe it's also the cruel twist of fate where he thinks he could possibly, probably love the man in front of him and develop an open honest relationship with him only to have him lose his memories all of the sudden. he's afraid of losing and terrified of the idea of rebuilding something and the other not loving him as he did before he lost his memories.

he cries until he's a hiccuping and snotty mess] m's- sorry.

You have nothing to apologize about.

I ruined your shirt though!

Shirts can be replaced.

W- well, yeah. But still....I feel bad ruining it that way.

Your feelings and well-being are far more important.

How do you even manage to say all of this without feeling embarrassed? I could never... speak that freely with my emotions.

Perhaps you could practice... with me?

I wouldn't even know where to begin or what to say [he wrings his hands nervously]

Just tell me what's on your mind. You don't need to have everything prepared.

But... if I were to speak that freely it would be a mood killer.

[ well you're not having sex with me right now anyway ]

Let me be the judge of that.

Speaking... what's on my mind... I'm nervous. And sad.

About what?

About you. [he looks down.] I'm nervous about you not regaining your memories. I'm nervous about you not.... I don't-- [he frowns. it's. hard to say what he wants to say 8(]

Please, continue.

[he lets out a sigh] I don't know what I'd do if you forgot about me.... And I'm afraid that if you don't regain your memories I'm going to lose you... what I had with you. And I'm in a foreign country with no where to go, and I'm equally terrified you're going to find your assistant to be more level headed and more attractive than I am, and that would kill me.

--I have an assistant?

Yeah he's... you've been friends for forever? Or so you've told me. He leaves this super....sickeningly sweet and annoying scent on you. To me it smells like old books and spices? It makes my head hurt. But he's over the moon with you.

And have I done anything with him?

No... But you don't do anything to turn down his... [he frowns] I don't want to say advances? But you don't... you said you haven't done anything to get him to stop doing it because you don't want to tarnish the friendship you have with him.

But if I have done nothing with him, then you should have nothing to worry about. Plus, I prefer the mint smell that you have.

[he flushes!!!!!] I-- well, no. You haven't done anything to or with him. But... [he frowns and wrings his hands some more.] You said you were jealous over my feelings for Iwa-ch-- Iwaizumi, and I... guess I understand where you're coming from? Because I'm a little jealous too?? And I think he's holding on to the wedding gift you got me. I can't even ask you what it is now because you probably don't know what it is either.

[he lets out another sigh as his shoulders slump] I know I shouldn't worry over this, but... I'm... awful, and petty. And admitting that to you wasn't easy.

[ he gives him a small nod ] I understand. I... suppose if I were jealous of your previous feelings for your best friend, then it would stand to make sense that you would be jealous of the feelings that my friend has for me, in spite of the fact that I do not return them.

I appreciate this honesty.

[he nods.] I know I have my own... weird hang ups with being intimate, but it's even harder to try and get into that mindset when I know, or see that he's nearby?